Nicki Minaj Punched Me

Nicki Minaj Punched Me. Nicki Minaj photo credit Debby Wong /

Nicki Minaj shows up on my TV (in my imagination), all PASTEL LIPSTICK and HAIR OF UNNATURAL COLOR AND BODY and tells me…

PUNCH to my dreams and ambitions

American Idol is the only path to fame and glory!”

*PUNCH to my dreams and ambitions*

KUNG FU KICK to my self-image

You are too old and too not-skinny-young-hot-thing!”

*KUNG FU KICK to my self-image*

SOCK FULL OF MARBLES to my preference for smooth, controlled singing

You sing not enough melismatic pop acrobatics!”

*SOCK FULL OF MARBLES to my preference for smooth, controlled singing*

And just as her terrifyingly huge eyes were about to banish my soul the vortex, ka-SLAM the door is kicked in by the hero of the hour: Paul Simon.

Paul Simon

Mr. Simon says to me:

SOOTHING SALVE to my artistic wounds

If I had to build my career on 90-second reality show gimmick performances, I would never have won the so many Grammys I have won.”

*SOOTHING SALVE to my artistic wounds*

WARM COCOA to my heart

The same goes for Bob Dylan, or Ella Fitzgerald, or most of the true greats, classic or modern.”

*WARM COCOA to my heart*


How many of the current biggest stars came from American Idol? One? Two? How many of those Idols have made big, lasting careers?”


And then Mr. Simon lays it on me:

These shows want you to believe that they are the only path to success so that you’ll keep watching, and dreaming, and buying their swag. There are many ways to make great music, and to develop a wonderful music career, and for some artists a show like American Idol can help that. For most, there are other ways.”
And then Paul Simon kicked his spurs into the flanks of his winged walrus and rode back into the clouds.

I think this might have been a dream. But I still flinch every time Nicki Minaj throws a punch at me.

My Reactions to This Week’s Peer Review Vids

Hubert Noblet Hubert Noblet – “Locked Out of Heaven” (Cover)

Hot energy, and you’re mostly handling the challenging range (Bruno Mars not easily emulated by mere mortals). Some of the high notes are shouty and like you’re heaving and hoping. Less throat flexing and more ab pressure could help. Be careful with the words (English obviously not your native language), on the chorus you keep missing “I’ve been locked out of heaven” … it’s the title of the song! Keep rocking!

Matthew Matthew – “Last Train to Clarksville” (Cover)

A treat to see good use of the looper and the FX. Overall good performance, with good energy. Biggest challenge of looping is to connect with the audience (in this case, the camera) while you are thinking about and executing so many other things. Your vocals are solid, pitch is good, but imagine you are singing in front of a band without having to worry about anything else: how would you sing differently? What would you do to connect with the audience? Can you bring some of that energy to your looping… in essence, ignore the fact that you’re looping and playing and pushing buttons and free up the expressiveness of the singing.

Izzy Chase Izzy Chase – “Lover of the Light” (Cover)

Great voice, great style, nice performance. I’d love to see what you did in front of an audience: the intimate hanging out in a room is nice, but how does that translate to a stage? The ah/uh from 3:30 is a nice addition, but can it go somewhere? Accurate notes but even non-words need to have purpose and direction. Good stuff.

Mister Tim is a published composer, award-winning recording artist,and in-demand performer, teacher & performance coach. In addition to an active performing and touring schedule with his his solo vocal live-looping/beatbox shows, Mister Tim sings with Boulder, CO-based Celtic Rock band Delilah’s Revenge, manages the… Read More